Not everyone believes in past lives and reincarnation. 

I do. 

I would not have believed in them,  if I had not seen two of my past lives which are influencing my current life. 

I saw my past lives for the first time when I did a past life recall practice with a college where I studied crystal-healing.   That was about 16 years ago. 

In the past life I saw first, I was a high priestess.   I do not know when this past life happened or where,  but it felt like hundreds of years ago.   I saw her standing tall in golden light, smiling.   She was completely peaceful and joyful – she knew what cosmic joy was.   It was a complete surprise to know I was a priestess in one of my past lives. I also thought “I was her, yet I am not her.   I do not know such pure joy. Not many would.” 

I also saw another past life. She looked very similar to the first one.   She was also a priestess, but in this life, she chose to be a woman.   She ended her young life in very tragic circumstances – that was all I saw about her during the past life recall practice. 

My attention had inevitably been drawn to the first past life I saw – a beautiful woman, a high priestess, standing in golden light. 

Then recently, out of the blue, I  began to see more of the second past life self.   Her life had bright happiness as well as unspeakable sorrow and grief.   She knew the darkness of life as much as the brightness.   Initially, I thought she had made a mistake in her choice – her choice to be a woman.   However, as I saw and understood more about her life,  I began to think her life as beautiful as that of the golden high priestess. 

Her emotions were often dark due to the hardship she had suffered,  but even when she had negative emotions, they were still pure.   There was no falseness in them. 

Also, the darkness she experienced made the happy, bright moments in her life even brighter, more shining and beautiful.   How breathtakingly beautiful she was when I saw her dancing in moon-light;  a graceful and beautiful young woman dancing in complete love and happiness. 

I could no longer say that her life was inferior to that of the golden high priestess. 

Being very much confused by those two completely different past lives I saw - two totally different choices, I spoke with one of my therapist friends about this.   She understood my problem immediately and told me about the importance of embodying femininity into spirituality.   What she said was that she realised she had been focusing on spirituality solemnly all these years and disregarding the femininity and sexuality she owned as a woman. 

When I heard this,  I thought this was it. Looking back, before I studied crystal-healing,  I was working in a very high pressured environment which required me to be more or less non-sexual.   After I began crystal-healing and a spiritual practice, again I had become more or less non-sexual.   I never really paid much attention to the aspects of femininity, sexuality and sensuality. In this demanding modern life, being a career woman, a mum with children etc can easily make us disregard our own femininity. 

In a feng shui energy analysis,  I had a lot of Yin (feminine energy).   Disregarding femininity means denying the energy structure which I was born into.   Why did I not think about this? 

We all have Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energies in our energy structure.   Males too have Yin energy as well as Yang energy.   The important thing is to find the right balance of feminine and masculine energies for each individual according to her/his unique energy structure. 

I also realised that embodying femininity did not mean just feminine sexuality.   It means accepting and acknowledging its beauty, strength, richness, and wisdom as well as its vulnerability, weakness and pain.   This also means an acknowledgment and understanding of being human. 

Embodying femininity into spirituality means, in my case, acknowledging, accepting and integrating these two past lives into my current life. After all, I am an extension of them. 

It was extremely disconcerting and unnerving to see and understand these two past lives, especially the second one.   I felt her dark emotions, her despair and grief as if they were mine. 

Past life recalls should not be done lightly.   Knowing own past lives can be very difficult.   Such knowledge can be powerfully influential and may produce negative influence. 

While more information about her life was being downloaded into me, there were messages from the universe starting to flow in.   They said that seeing and understanding these past lives was not meant to cause hardship in my current life. Life was to be lived in joy. Life is to be celebrated.  

These messages became increasingly insistent, and occasionally extremely annoying.   To be told “Celebrate life” or “Life is an adventure” right after seeing her unspeakable sorrow, heart-felt grief and a tragic ending in her young and beautiful life was really annoying…. 

However, gradually I began to assimilate these past lives and their messages,  and decided to enjoy embodying feminine energy into spirituality. 

This made me look around my daily life with different perceptive and I found new interest in things such as fashion and health from the feminine perspective. 

And, of course, my healing jewellery has always be a source of great joy.   It is a joy to create it and it is a joy to wear it. It is always with me giving me support, comfort and strength. 

So, I have decided to share my joy of consciously embodying feminine energy into spirituality together with my joy of creating and wearing my healing jewellery from my next post in this blog. 

And last but not least, my gratitude goes to the 'SJers', a group of crystal therapists I have known, trained and worked with for many years.   Because of our deeply established connections, even without knowing any details of these past life experiences of mine, they have given me crucial help, support and insights when I needed them most. I have found this truly amazing.   I am grateful to be a part of this group of therapists with beautiful souls. 

Shigemi xxx